Due to the rising violence in and around the city of Ireem, there has been a high demand for coffins.

As such, you can procure yourself a coffin at the carpentry workshop. We are the only establishment who are prepared to stand behind our work and offer generous gurantees.


CUSTOM MADE COFFINS - made to order - price to be negotiated
Our exclusive range comes with a 25 year guarantee on fittings and fixtures
Standard of workmanship may vary due to the time of month

Optional extras for your beloved to take with them into the next realm:- Price on application
Hamper from the bakery
The finest floral arrangements from the Palace gardens
Watered down rum from The Slaves Head Inn
Embalming service offered - why not take with you your favourite camel, pet or girl.

PINE COFFINS - 12 month warranty on workmanship*
These coffins tend to float but lead can be purchased at time of ordering for $10-00 per kg
$100-00 deposit and balance of $100-00 payable when collected.

BUDGET RANGE - $100 payable on order
no warranty on workmanship
Coffin is made of whatever materials available at the time of ordering
Interior lined with date palm leaves
Coffin is not guaranteed water tight so not suitable for burials at sea

Group discount of 30% if ordering 5 or more.

Special rates for persons under 3 Arabian Black Cubits in height.

*Any warranty claims lodged by the deceased require proof of purchase or warranty will be deemed nulll and void.

If you are interested please contact Helena Eddenbaum.

Dear Ireemians, especially the men !

Mistress Anneliese seeks something sweet and amusing !

Must be male, exciteable, and too foolish to be afraid of my sisters.

Duties will include sitting at my feet, telling me how pretty I look, and washing my inner thighs with great care on a daily basis. Duties may also include whatever my lust-crazed sisters demand when I am not around.

Please bring your own leash.

Anneliese Wolfenhaut

The Arabesque cafe is in undeads hand for a while, the owner is the well known Brittainy Collins and the new bouncer the winged man Sir Damien Sack himself ! The last time I decided to have a tea and watching the entertainement on stage, I could enter the cafe without problems, well...to be honest after a little bribery. But isn't this the way in Ireem for a long time anyway ?

During my visit I did not recognize anything weird, no violence or threats, everyone even seemed to be kind of knocked out. I am pretty sure this is because of the new ingredients used in the hejiras, I tasted them myself and trust me , I could not stop giggling for a long time !

But rumors tell, the citizen of Ireem feel uncomfortable in the cafe lately. Today we recieved a letter from Miss Cleopatra Hancroft, a well known dancer:

"Dear Ireemians !
This message is to apologize to all the dancing girls that I invited to be a dancer in Arabesque cafe. I'm leaving the cafe. The rules of the cafe were always clear to me: no violence, no fights. All are welcome.
Today unfortunately Sir Damien, co-owner of the cafe, whipped one of our customers. I believe that rules are for everyone, including the owner. I remember last week Britt expelled a man who punished his slave. It was not right to punish his slave in the cafe, so he left, understanding the rules.
I hope that the co-owner of the coffee will apologize to our customer. I'm sorry for this episode and to have to leave my job as a dancer. This is not my desire, but I cannot stay with this owner.
Thank you to all dancers and customers have always received me with kindness and affection.
See you all at the sands of Ireem. Long life to all, Cleo"

This message for sure leaves some questions:
  • What exactly happened in the cafe ?
  • Were there any witnesses, any more victims ?
  • Is this a personal fight of Sir Damien or the new reputation of the cafe ?
  • Does this have anything to do with Sir Damiens warning of entering the combs ?
  • Do we have to fear a new try of the undeads to take over the city ?

Only the gods know, but I will for sure be brave enough to go back there and make my own opinion ! /* editorial note: well, at least as long as I can pay the bouncer, my fighting training still doesn't go very well */

Am's Punishment

Yesterday Dinky and I were strolling through the empty city streets. As she pestered me with magical questions, even asking what type of animal I would like to be, I began to notice a large group of people entering the Good Knights Inn.

Naturally we were curious, so we snuck inside to see what was happening. The sight that met our eyes had me feeling my head, for surely I had taken a tumble and bumped it. But alas Dinky said that she saw the same thing so it must have been real.

There was a huge gathering of women (and one man) all watching as the Slaver Am gyrated slowly to soft music. He was dressed in a small silk cloth that can not even rightfully be called clothing. His audience consisted of: Miriam Lemondrop, Biest Allen, Semjase Lagodadaly, Ivery Silverfall, Addison Lexenstar, Caraya Beeswing, Jordina McGinnis and even our lovely Sultana!

The story as it was related to us was that Jordi captured Am and decided to force him to dance in public for an hour as punishment for the way he treats the women he captures. Whether or not this punishment will change his behavior only time will tell, although he did seem to be enjoying his “punishment” a bit too much for it to be effective.

Dear reader I hereby proudly present you the new Champion of Ireem, Sir Tim Speiser !

Needless to say I knew he is going to win as I know very well about my Masters fighting skills, but we of course want to inform every citizen that could not make it to the tournament, about what happened.

Our wonderful organizer Miss Kora Zenovka started the tournament with the following words "Welcome beautiful people of Ireem to the famous Ireem Championship! Our Oracle has decided the fate and the order of the fights. Please contact your opponent and decide the weapon you wish to fight with: Sword or Knuckleduster !“

The opponents of the first round were as followed:

Urso Kronsage vs. Una Flux

Dinky Wingtips vs. Brittainy Collins

Tim Speiser vs. Ritz Macbain

Champagne Roxan vs. Glenn Graves

Jordina McGinnis vs. Xan Baran

Arian Clip vs. katia Mighty

Miriam Lemondrop vs. Champagne Roxan

The lucky winners making it in to the next round were Urso, Dinky, Tim, Glenn, Jordi, Arian and Champagne. Two fights actually did not happen: my opponent Britt never showed up, rumours say she had a bad headache but I am pretty sure she was just too scared to fight me ! *grins* Arians opponent Katia was seen to faint as soon as Arian entered the arena, all ready to fight. Many people tried to bring her back to consciousness but sadly failed !

The second round started with the following fighter combinations:

Jordina McGinnis vs. Arian Clip

Dinky Wingtips vs. Glenn Graves

Tim Speiser vs. Urso Kronsage

Champagne Roxan vs. Dinky Wingtips

And the winners of this round were: Jordi, Glenn, Tim and Champagne. Urso could not fight this round as his knights duty called him away, rumours tell some Djinn were holding three poor slave girls as captives, putting them into bottles ! Because of an odd number (in the first round aswell) one person had to fight twice and in this round it was me. Sadly I got some sand into my eyes in the first fight and lost against Glenn. In the second one Champagne was so eager to cut off my hair, that I was a bit distracted trying to do the same to hers !

Anyway, the fights of the third round were spectacular and thrilling to watch ! Champagne showed Glenn, that girls can fight AND look good while doing that, as females are multitasking and Tim beat Jordi in the probably closest fight of the whole event!

Without any delay the final fight was announced „Tim Speiser vs Champagne Roxan!“ and Sir Tim proved once again, that chasing his slave girl around the city with a sword or whip from time to time – in this case me - seems to be a perfect training to make it through a tough tournament like that ! His picture is now to be seen on the Champion board infront of the arena and I am going to spend the huge amount of Dinar he won on nessesities like new clothes !

CONGRATULATIONS to the new Champion of Ireem , Sir Tim Speiser !!

Today we got an a new message from our anonymous source Huggin, that gives us some more information about the curse in Ireem :

"This scroll is to be opened upon the death of Fury and sent to the Chronicles for publication so Ireem will understand. Fury is now destroyed and removed from the host body, that of Sheva. My hopes are the form was not that badly damaged as Fury would not leave willingly or easily.

Fury never meant harm as such, only the chance to exist on this plane of exhistance for a while. Fury never attacked anyone with a sword, or said a cruel word, only wanted to play. Where Fury saw darkness and would add something to allow another dark visitor such as I the chance to inhabit it and enjoy whatever time they could here.

Ireem can relax once again now that Fury is destroyed, the curse as it is called, will not survive long. The darkness on the other hand, will always be here, just waiting to be brought to the surface again.

Darkness cannot be controlled or ever truly destroyed as it lives inside each one of you, each to different extents. As a slave is whipped needlessly is that not darkness? If one is jealous for what another has and attacks to rob them of it is it not darkness as well.

Fury may be gone and have you all relaxed thinking you have won against the darkness, but it will always be here."

Many Ireemians already got impatient, so here we go again ! Our next page three girl introduces Miss Elora Firanelli. But... only Zin Ra knows, who she is talking to/about in the interview...?

Question: "What turns you on?"
Answer: Elora looks at him and smiles "you".

Question: "What turns you off?"
Answer: Gossip. Rudeness.

Question: "If you could have sex with anyone in Ireem who would it be?"
Answer: Elora smiles and looks into his eyes "you".

Question: "Who in Ireem would you least like to have sex with?"
Answer: Elora whispers in his ear so no one can hear. He feels her breathe softly caress his ear and smiles as he listens.

Question:Tell us something embarrasing about yourself.
Answer: "I guess I could say my spelling!"

Several days ago the Sultana was cursed by a person or persons unknown. This curse while subtle became more obvious as the great Queen was suddenly sprouting horns and dancing very provocatively in public wearing silks not befiting a royal, but a pleasure slave. These actions created much fear and confusion within the city, as more people fell under the strange curse, including two of the Knights of the Order, Sylvia and Hitomi, Hitomi falling prey to the curse and going insane attacking people who approached her.
In addition, mysteriously two constellations have vanished leaving only darkness where they once shined. The great Warrior, Orion, and Taurus the Bull. This encroaching darkness has been blamed on the Undead though no signs of their involvement have been found as of yet. Nor have they come forth to take any responsibility.
Last friday saw one chapter of this saga come to an end. In a bold move the Knights of the Order, Lillie Boscurrio, Urso Kronsage, and Sylvia escorted the Sultana to the catacombs to seek out a way to remove the curse. Suprisingly Damien agreed to help and attempted to free the Sultana of the darkness that had claimed her.
Failing with this attempt it was Richard Braveheart, the ex-Knight, now Magi torturer, who had uncovered the key to the Sultana's release. His captive, a Djinn woman, Fury once known as Shev was key in removing the curse, although she had fought Richard in the end he forced her into freeing the Sultana, seemingly with a simple black feather removed.

After freeing the Sultana, Fury started to fight Richard once more in an attempt to curse the Sultana once again, when she was taken down and forced into submission once again the feathers destroyed. Although Fury seemed to have been instrumental in this curse running rampat through the city it is still unknown who is the mastermind behind this scheme, not to mention what power is blacking out the stars and if they will return or more will fall to he same fate.

The Chronicles also recieved a letter from our highness herself:

My dear people !

I only have one word: FORGIVNESS! I was told that last days I walked around half naked, had large horns on my head and was going to dance in the arabesque cafè with vulgar movements. And invited men to come and look at my body !! Things like that..... and even worse, like: I ordered a wizard to teach a sweet virgin slave everything about carnal pleasure!

I am deeply ashamed ! Those, who know me well, know that I am different ! Today I know that I was cursed, a force of evil took posession of me and I felt free and happy, but without understanding, I acted like that! Horrible!
Now everything is finished, I still only remorse for those whom I offended and abused and I'll try to make up for my misbehaviour. The slave girl, I'll give her freedom, financial and psychological support and call the best healer that can restore her virginity! I know this can be possible ! At the Slaver that I entangled with amorous and I've used only as objects of pleasure: my apologies, that was not me! Thanks to my knights and my ladies who, despite everything, have tried in every way to help.

Sultana Zanlu Heron

An anonymous source, that wants to be called „Huginn“ , talked about his thoughts in our office. Knowing about what had happened he has his own theory, and dear readers, this is as much interesting as it is disturbing. Here are some of his basic ideas, please make up your own mind and let us know what you think :

"The Sultana gave knight Milly permission to do anything neccessary to carry her war against the Undead. Sir Richard Braveheart tortured the undead girl Loona (Gatha Loon) by order of the knights, at this time Shevaunn began to act strangely, loosing more and more control of herself. It appears that these black feathers are the main cause, feathers that when worn bing out the darkness within.

Stars are dissapearing, another constellation fell last night, Cancer. In some way I believe this is a curse from a god or goddess. How else could the Sultana fall under a curse if not from the will of Zin Rah ? Perhaps as punishment or a warning for not keeping the Knight under control ?
The knights were falling into darkness, she is showing us what will happen to all of Ireem if we do not put a stop to the darkness within first before the one without. The knights must stand behind the gods they swore to follow, should we change the face of Zin Rah because she does not fit the way people worship, or because she does not care to see her followers fall into the hands of her Sister Hora Ma? I would not stop the Knights actions, but change them. Return to the true ways of the Knights !

I do have one more thing to add: If I have calculated the stars correctly, I believe the entire zodiac will be gone in just seventeen days from today if the person responsible continues his erasure every other night."

After recent events, and numerous attacks upon our home, the Undead are closing the catacombs to all uninvited visitors. What does this mean? Quite simply, if you are caught in the catacombs uninvited, you will be attacked, tortured, and sacrificed to Hora Ma. This is your warning. This is all you get. If this is something you can not handle, stay out. Do not enter and cry foul once you are killed. Our home is not a throughway to anywhere you need to be. You have no reason for being here, unless invited. You were warned. For those who think they can come under a protective spell to harass us, we shall simply pray to the Creators to remove you. The Undead are not welcome uninvited into your homes or camps, you are no longer welcome in ours.

Damien Sack

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