Meet the Sultana

Gain an audience with the Sultana..

The Sultana will hear your praise and any concerns for her kingdom Saturday Feb. 10th at 1pm SLT. This is rare chance to speak to the Sun of Ireem in person.. You may praise her majesty or ask for punishment for an enemy. You may ask for Gold.. or pay your back taxes to avoid punishment. Only a limited number of audiences will be granted so make your reservation now.

IM Second Minister Kadar Jayaram or the Sultana's Slave Mirna Muggins to make an appointment..

Kadar Jayaram

(Story by Jasmine (Kylara Kuhn))

An early morning, the sun glittering over the hills, bathing everything in a warm rosy color, yet... not able to drive the cold of the night back. Most people would turn around under their furs, crawling up against their loved ones or simply forcing a slave to keep them nice and warm.

So not the slaver leader Chris and the dungeoner Dalilah. The beautiful light witnessed a fight taking place between the two. With cold sweat trickling down his body, Chris finally managed to slay the unfortunate guard and take her prisoner for a day.

She was told by Chris to give two of his slaves: Sugarkane and Heavenly, a tour through the palace since guards are known to carry the keys. It is common knowledge that slavers are cruel for their prisoners so can Dalilah be blamed for giving in to that request?

The tour took place and suddenly the dungeoner was threatened with her life if she would not open the vault. Of course she gave in but was able to lock Heavenly inside. Sugar ran off and quickly returned with her master who again showed his cruel ways and threatened Dalilah with his whip, giving her no choice but to open the vault once more. With his slaves, captive AND the gold, Chris ran off to this camp, thinking that nobody had seen him and he would be safe.

"Someone" (no, I will not tell the name of my source) witnessed it all and told the Sultana. Her highness promptly summoned the slaver leader, who had no choice but to give in and show up at her harem with slaves and guard. Confronting Chris with the loss of gold, he immediately laid the blame on the undead Damien, not knowing that the Sultana was well informed.

Her highness ordered the release of her guard but the foul slaver leader had the nerve to demand 1000 dinar payment for her. Obviously the Sultana is used to deal with people with less intelligence than she has; she is Sultana for a good reason. A stern look followed by repeating of what she just said, made sure Chris finally understood that it was not a request but a demand. Of course a simple barbarian is no match for the Sultana and he quickly complied.

The following questions remain unanswered for now:

* How much money did Chris take from the vault?
* What is it that a simple slaver and his slaves want with all that gold?
* Is the Sultana a poor woman now?
* Did I think about making tea for Mistress this morning before I left?

Without doubt this will be followed up in the near future.


Raddick... a knight?

Hell has officially frozen over, Raddick the Slaver has become a knight... protecting the innocent and weeding out the bad, using more with words than his sword, how long will this last? Has Raddick really changed? ...Probably not. He captured Undead Dinky and Guard Dalilah saying they hit him... and he says they are not his slaves when asked by other knights, but his "prisoners" . He runs off from knight camp where he is keeping the two "prisoner" and tells them the demand "Stay!"... and of course Dinky and Dal run off to hide, in where else but Slaver's camp... awaiting Raddick to come find them if he dares to come in the camp that was once his. Chris the current slaver leader shows up wondering what Dal and Dinky are doing in his camp, once he learns the story he wants them to leave, but of course they don't budge. Chris then decides to go hunting to kill the Knight Raddick so he can free them so he can have his camp back. Well at the site of Raddick they panicked and locked themselves in the cage, Raddick then gave up and freed them, only for Chris to open the cage, and attack them both. Dal was lucky enough to barley escape but poor Dinky was left behind and captured. Raddick the Knight will never rid of his old ways... beware women of Ireem.

(news posted by Dalilah Sirnah)

Letter to Ireem

Dear People of Ireem,

The Undead Family would like to take a moment to address you all…

To the Bedu’s
The Undead have captured your leader… be concerned…. be very concerned… The Undead Family have learned of your alliance with the Slavers to hunt the undead family and we are not amused…. Although we did find it highly entertaining that the people you choose to enter into a *coughs* secret alliance with would steal your Leaders slaves…. Well, what did you expect? Do not attempt to negotiate the release of your Leader, we don’t want your sheep and have no need for your camels (besides, you might miss them on cold nights). If you want your leader released (mostly) unharmed, we suggest you show the true spirit of the Bedu and start to rid the land of infidels….ok, as we need to spell this out for you, that means Knights and Slavers. Undead are not infidels, we are more like exotic natives… are you feeling the love yet?....Perhaps if you capture and sell enough Knights and Slavers we will see fit to release your leader…..well, whatever is left of him….

To the Slaver’s
Your ability to keep secrets is amazing, since most of our inside information came from slavers…. No, we will not tell you which ones, you have to figure that out on your own but we would like to take a moment to thank Jaril. As for you Chris Wilder, do not think we forget about you…..enjoy your freedom while you have it cause it won’t last long. Next time you are caught (and you will be caught), you will not be traded so easily… we have other plans for you, all completely just, if far too horrible mention here in detail, suffice to say there may or may not be some livestock involved…. Oh yeah, we are watching your slaves too!

To the Knight’s
We hold all of you responsible for the death of our former leader. Yes, we know it was only Seraf that killed him, and we don’t care. You all will pay, or rather you all will be caught and sold to generate more dinars to help with the funds needed for the post mortem therapy.

To the Djinn
In as much as we never see any of you, we were not actively planning to hunt you at this time….. but one of your kind attacked and killed one of our Sisters… if we see any of you in the sands, we will attack….payback….

To the Magi
Stop wasting your time with this nonsense of trying to turn undeads into the living…. We don’t want to be living…(maybe your former leaders defection from the living world taught you something?) why not start making potions that are useful…. Why not develop a cure for the blight known as humanity?... oh yeah, all of Ireem knows of your alliance with knights and we all know you got the short end of that stick… When was the last time a knight helped a Magi?....well… remember, the friend of our enemy is our enemy, so stay in your tower or be prepared to be fought and sold….

To the Dungeoneer’s
We noticed most, if not all of you, seem to like attacking Undeads, so now we will return the favor… yes, we understand that there is a very high chance your auctions will not really net us much profit, but we don’t care …. if we find you, we will capture and sell you too…. Bottom line is the catacombs are very crowded…. we need more space… and we want yours…..

To the Citizen’s
Right now we are not aware of any transgressions you have made against us, but we know there must be some…. so based on that, yeah, we are gonna hunt, capture and sell you too!

Your Undead Family

(Letter received from Silver Sodertelge)

Kalah and Kaz are proud to announce the birth of the twins Kindred and Dante. Knight Jordi is the Aunt.. and Brave of the bedu helped with the birh.
as the Aunt.. Jordina is welcome to come visit in peace whenever she wishes until the babies are of age.
Congrats to all at this joyous news.

Chris Wilder

This story was sent to me by the slavers, of the cruel and dastardly exploits during thier recent war against the Bedoiuins. It makes little sense, of course, but the slavers make little sense as well.

I let the retelling of the events speak for themselves:


In an attack designed to lower the morale of the bedu... Slaver Chris and his Three lovely slave girls fed dried figs to the sheep and camels of the bedu in a daring morning raid..

Chris talked to leading experts in the field ((someone from the palace that knows such things..)) and learned that Figs, Apples or Prunes would cause amazing digestive problems in livestock for at least 2 or even 3 days.

Heavenly (Haiden) led the girls Olive and Sugar to the docks to pick up as many figs as 3 very pretty girls can carry...

-------**Magical As-if-you-were-there replay*--------
SugarKane Twine: "get your figs sisters.. lets go"
SugarKane Twine: "your boobs are lumpy now sisters"
Raddick Szymborska doesn’t want to know....

Chris of course was distracted during this, actual work being beneath him.

-------**Magical As-if-you-were-there replay*--------
Chris Wilder: "Yes this is a nice sword actually... O I got to go..."

The met at the bedu hill and with the call of "FIGEEE RAIDING PARTY" the assault began. The lovely Olive and Sugar ran down to feed the camels, Olive whispering disgustedly "ewwww they smell!" as she starts feeding the camels. "They seem to like them"

SugarKane Twine felt the slobber over her hand and cringes as the camel takes the figs, while the pretty Heavenly split off to deal with those pesky Sheep, holding her nose slips her arm thru the bars and feeds the poor creatures handfuls of figs....."Happy eating! - or should it be said happy shitting?"

Each girl at great risk to themselves shoveled bushel after bushel of figs to the hungry animals... ((hmm seems the Sheep miss Chris as no one is feeding them) SAGE TAKE THIS NOTE OUT... I DO NOT WANT MORE SHEEP JOKES)

One lone bedu.. Darry slowly awoke and began to defend the camp... but toooo late... the animals gobbled down all the figs... in a figeee feeding frenzy!

Olive MacMoragh dumps her remaining figs on the ground and watches the camels eat them quickly

Tobi also arrived but stood by in amazement as everyone escaped...

The girls and Chris barley escaped in time before the pooo hit the sands...

back at Camp, Sugar led the girls to the sea to wash off the slobber from the camels and sheep...

So be warned that smell from the bedu feet... yes... that is sheep and camel pooo, citizens do not let any bedu in your homes...

REPORTED BY THE COMPLETYLY OBJECTIVE AND FAIR AND BALENCED: Chris Wilder.. leader until elections of the slavers...

(Reporting note... The lovely sage was invited to embed with the military unit of this raid but declined saying... "I do not like Fig Newtons.")

From Your Dear Editor:

Greetings Everyone, I see from the number of messages left at my doorstep that I neglected to mention that I'd be spontaiously whisked away from the mortal realm to attend the Djinni Orientation I was putting off (Nakira insisted, saying that her insurance doesn't cover rogue Half-Human/Half-Djinnis running around that haven't been through the proper orientation.... and the fact that I accidentally broke that antique vase while I was practicing my Ancient Djinni Invocation of Uncontrollable Lightning Unleashing really didn't help matters).

Let me assure you that I have everything perfectly under control.

Perfectly. *the paper is littered with a few burn marks here*

And now, a few points that I feel the need to publish:

1. The "Most Promising Bedouin" event, hosted by those rascally Bedouins, was a big success and alot of fun was had by all. Thanks go out to the girls who helped with the event, Elijah Jumanya, friskie Quintessa, The Virgin Baker Kadiara Jewell, Sakkara Quamar, Selena Sigal (who managed to get through the chaos only being captured by Dinky), Jasmine (Kylara Kuhn), and some other pest that tagged along with the event who I don't care mention, but was caught by Dinky and properly dealt with in the final stages of the game. Congratulations and Adoration go out to the winner, Kammy Streeter, who caught Jasmine and managed to defeat Dinky in single combat, becoming the winner of the event!

2. As most know by now, the Undead Leader Aizen Wind fell in battle with Seraf several days ago. Granted, given that he was dead already, top Ireemian philosophers are still trying to figure this one out, but in the confusion, Silver Sodertelge assumed control of the undead until the appearance of an election can be held and ballots cast using the blood of virgin innocents (which is much less prone to blotting than the blood of horny sluts with loose morals, and thus less likely to provoke messy if pointless legal challenges.) Asked to comment on his impending death, Aizen was kind enough to relay a few final words to everyone: ". SHIT SHIT...NOOO!!"

3. As noted previously, An Undead Election will be held, but it is expected that voter turnout will be practically dead.

4. The Slave Girl Scribbles went through a great ordeal recently, having been raped and.. well, more raped.. by the now-defunct undead leader Aizen, in the name of phoney god Nergal (although be on the lookout for copycat gods). A child was greated from the assault, one sadly not long for this world, though a rash a prophesies both great and small were uttered about the child.
If some of the things that were said are to be believed, the death of the child will be a cause for great destruction on the land..... Or prehaps the child and Aizen's fates were linked? Does the death of Aizen mean the prophesy was broken? Or was the prophesy even more than simple words spoken by misguided mystics to begin with?

5. Sage Rosenfeld, Editor of the Chronicles, and person who infamously talks about herself in the third person today announced that she was stepping down from the position in the near future to focus on her true love: Randomly running around the desert being a pain in the ass. "I love the Chronicles - but the desert calls to me, as it always does, and between being kidnapped for Djinni Orientations and being forced under Nakira's desk to satiate her insane desire for oral sex for days on end, I find that I am left without the time to devote to the paper that it, and the crazy people of this kingdom, truely deserve. As long as the paper wants me, however, I will be happy to submit my thoughts to it... but only between watching the silly slave-collectors of the desert fall on thier face, worshipping my feet as they curse thier slowness in my wake." Pausing, she added nervously: "OK, except for Jasmine, who will no doubt take that as a challenge even though she knows she's perfectly capable of running me down and using my ass as a stool anytime she wants."


Aizen's True Plot...revealed:

I apologize...for misleading everyone with the false lies of Nergal. Thruth is..Nergal is nothing more but a myth, a cover up to blind the citizens of Ireem from my true plans.

My True History: Aizen was an Astrologist many years ago..very wise, and gained much knowledge from his studies. Through astral magic he learned from Arabic and exorcisms he was taught from christian and jewish teachings, he created Necromancy. The ability to reanimate a soul into a corpse...Later he mastered this new technique and was able to lengthen his life by transfering his soul into corpses...hence why he is over hundreds of years old.

His travels ended in Ireem, a place he visited many times..growing bored of humanity..thinking of himself as being an advance species..

Lately he has been decieving everyone..claiming a mythical god, Nergal, the reason of his long life and powers..using it as a cover up to distract Ireem..the war..the pregnancies...all a distraction while he made many visits to the library.....until now..

Aizen Wind..has found out that the heart of Ireem holds the turn him into a change the world in his image..and to fill the empty throne of the gods...

Beware of this day... .....humans...will..... . .. . .

(Aizen Wind)

It's with great sadness that I received this note from Elder recently. For those who may have been living in a cave, Elder is the owner and manager of the Cafe Arabesque.

A number of fine merchants in recent months have left Ireem discouraged by the violence and unremitting preoccupation with fighting. I have tried to establish the Cafe Arabesque as a haven of peace, hospitality, lively discussion and friendliness, despite some conflicts, attacks and threats against me personally. I met met and cherish the friendship of many fine men and women of all groups, without stereotyping. But the cumulative discouragement, highlighted by a fresh set of petty disputes, insults and threats have tipped the scales for me, as the supports fade.

So I am leaving the Cafe and Ireem to offer hospitality elsewhere in a more civil setting. Rent is paid for another week, and if anyone would like my dinars to free slaves, let me know...and I will try to transfer them to you.

Those I like and will miss are too many to name, but accept my farewell and best wishes.

Time to forget about war and old feuds for a while! Saturday January 10th 2009 at 1 PM SL-time, MasterJ, Kylara, Minihai and Sage invite you to participate in a contest of who is the most promising Bedouin. A good Bedouin knows how to hunt and fight in the desert, and is a total charmer . Keep that in mind when you read about the chaos we have planned for you all!

The event consists of 3 stages which all take place in the desert on the Beduside and all the way up to the Djinn-temple but not around the city:
1 - Who is the best opportunist?
2 - Test your true hunting skills
3 - Test your stamina and fighting skills


Stage 1:
This stage is meant to find out if you can seek out prey that is the best opportunity for you. Will you try to go for the easiest prey with 10 other predators or will you run after that evasive wench alone? What are your best chances on success?

On Saturday 1pm SLT, five prey from Stage 1 will be standing ready on the Bedouin hill for you predators out there (yes, it's OUR hill). Each of the Stage 1 prey have an unlimited supply of coins unique to that particular boy or girl. MJ will start a countdown and then it is off hunting the poor prey. (Do *NOT* hunt the Stage 2 prey at this time... they will be clearly labeled on thier tags) Upon capturing the prey, she (read he/she from now on please) will give the successful predator a coin. The predator immediately releases the prey again so she can be caught by another predator. Once the predator has coins from 2 different girls, he will bring them to the Bedouin hill and hand them over to Master J. For that predator, Stage 2 then begins. PLEASE NOTE: You will have to catch two DIFFERENT prey. Catching the same prey twice won't allow you to continue.

Please note that Stage 1 continues until Stage 2 is complete. Predators who bring 2 different coins into MJ will continue to advance to Stage 2 during that time.

Stage 2:
This stage is meant to find out if you are a true hunter. No more opportunity and tactics but instead show us that you can catch the fastest prey available: HUNT

Once a predator has given the 2 coins to MJ, MJ will write down the name of the predator and s/he will be hunting again. This time for 1 of 2 prey that have been selected by MJ himself as: "never been able to catch yet". So yes, this is a true hunting challenge. The sooner you have the two coins from stage 1, the sooner you can hunt one of the two preys from this stage. So you will have a huge advantage when you are fast in capturing prey in the first stage.

Once one of the Stage 2 prey is captured, the captor will bring her to the bedouin camp victoriously where she will kneel at his/her feet until the other is brought in too. Stage 2 continues until the other Stage 2 prey is caught, at which point both Stage 1 and Stage 2 end.

Side note: MJ is offering either predator that captures a Stage 2 girl 100K if brought in topless (or 200K if naked!). As a Bedu you should know how to charm a girl out of her clothes!

Stage 3:
This stage is meant to test the stamina and fighting skills of the two predators that were victorious in the previous stage.

Once the 2nd girl of the previous stage is caught, MJ will shout that the event enters the final stage. All hunting should stop immediately, we ask people to take off all tags and unnecessary scripted objects and we gather again around the Bedouin hill. The two winners will each get a new predator-tag so they don't have an advantage over each other in fighting.

The two winning predators will free the prey they caught in exchange for having the opportunity to fight with each other in the desert for the title (freeing the girls is NOT optional!) No running to safe zones and no eating in-between! Simply a battle as it would be in the arena.

The winner of this fight will be crowned as the person who is the "Best Potential Bedouin" and will be presented a nice prize! The prey that put their lives at risk running for all of your pleasure will get a present too.

For all of you prey out there that think they have no chance in a fight, I would like to say this: "Maybe two totally inexperienced fighters will turn out to be the best hunters and you will have the chance to fight each other for the title"

We want to ask all preds and prey to take off the regular KoS tags and only use the tags provided by us for the event, which will be given out by Sage. (Kora has approved the use of the event-specific tags)

For questions, suggestions or remarks about the event, or would like to volunteer as prey for Stage 1, please contact MasterJ Swashbuckler or Kylara Kuhn.

Happy hunting!



DAY: Saturday, Jan 10th

Various Events and interestingness:

1. CURRENT EVENT: Rumor has it that there will be a battle between the Bedu and Knights at Slaver's Bay at approximately 3pm SLT. Fortunately for the combatants, The Enchantress KCEE used her magic to drive the scorpions away from the slaver camp in an act of kindness to the slaver leader, so the area will only reek of the smell of unbathed opportunists.

2. Rumor also has it that Anneliese has put some kind of a terrible, horrible, nasty spell on Priya Rajal. Speaking personally, I always believe it when I hear about Anne doing terrible things, because it's really the more believable than "Anne was helping the less fortunate" or "Anne was planting trees to make Ireem beautiful" or "Anne decided to spare the life of the carolers who disturbed her".

3. Chris Wilder: "Chris Wilder is a great leader of the Slavers..." (he's the most confused of all of them.)

4. BGSS loves her Master!

5. Nakira, Djinn Leader: "I would like to share the fact that purple ponies are fun, and flying cats are trouble."

6. Drasy Denimore leaves a note at the dungeon addressed to Rana as the leader of the city guard. It reads as follows: "It is of some concern that certain slaver filth seem to have the idea that robbing 'rich citizens' would be a good business venture to fill their pockets. Two slavers were overheard to be discussing just such when I happened to pass them by outside the city. The two in question are known to me as I have had problems with them in my Inn in the past. Cowboy and his fighting slave, who's name I do not know, (Editor: aislinn) even named myself 'Drasy' as a target for their musings. As a a tax paying and lawful citizen of Ireem such a plot to begin robbing citizens concerns me. I would ask the city guard to investigate these scoundrels and investigate if they have already been robbing citizens." the note is signed with 'Lady Drasyndra, owner of the Good Knights Inn'.

7. Kiko Serenity: Well I am new here and already learning it is very hard to be an undead with these stinking humans always acting as vultures... and they say we are bad. So anyway, my sexy brother Craven was going to the fishing boat to fish and along comes a guard by the name of Dalilah who also wanted to fish, he was there first so naturally he ignored her and went to fish. She then took him captive so she can have her fishing spot back! :O .... then sold the sexy guy on the block to teach him not to take her fishing spot... I hereby declare that she can TRY to take that fishing spot from ME but I won't have it! I plan to push her off the boat next time I see her fishing on that boat when my brother should be!!!!

love Kiko

9. Kahdoosch Alter wonders: "Can I regurgitate my cock?"

--- and such is Ireem

Violence against the Bedu will be met with the same. The knights wish for a war, then Bedouin will bring that war to them. No quarter is to be given by and Bedoiun. I expect the sand to run red with the blood of knights.

Mercy....... is out of the question. There is no place for that here. Simply death........

Dano, your wish is granted by My blade, enjoy the hell you have brought upon yourself and your family.

Bedouin......Kill them all.

I'm writing this note (which is a paid advertisement - Sage extorted me) to tell all the people of Ireem that I'm counting on your votes. Don't forget that I will give you a present for them. That includes you, Sage. (I hope the money that you took from me for this note includes your vote).

I would like to say that if I'm elected I will continue protecting the Sultana's boobies .... (oops, where is the eraser?)

I will demand a new tax be issued to cover the salaries of the dungeon keepers. If the knights get a salary, and they aren't employees of the kingdom, why don't we get a salary?

Don't forget that I've paid for this Sage. (I want you to disguise yourself as dungeoner and vote for me - I will be there to open the door.)

And of course "I'm gonna be a Ninja! Ninja Ninja Ninja!! BELIEVE IT!" and I will take all the corruption from Ireem.

I will remove corruption from Ireem with the help of all the dungeoners - no one in Ireem will be corrupt (only us).

I will throw parties, too, as Rana is promising (but paid ones of course - there is a crisis out there in the sands.)

If someone attacks us I will pay the other groups to help us and then after they've killed each other I will take all the money from those bastards.

And I will do it while I caress our pet (anyone with big and nice boobies and HARD nipples... of course) and tell poetry.

Don't forget that I'm the biggest (even though the smallest in size) poet of Ireem.

- the sands are hot and I see a spot
- the sun was high I saw her boobies and went shy
- the palace was fresh and I couldn't stop thinking of touching her flesh
- and I stopped eating my cookies just to watch the Sultana's boobies

Tell me if this isn't great poetry?

As a dungeon keeper we are in an excellent position for business. (I even started a private security firm called MAFIA).

Don't forget that I'm paying for votes, so if you need some money look for me (it is very easy money - just vote and get paid).

NINJA FIRANELLI - the BIG poet of Ireem

((Those who will desguise to vote on me for being paid, please tell Kora after so she can take those votes out, and don't forget to use a tag saying "vote for Ninja for the gift", or you can just pretend you have voted.))


Once again there is war in ireem the Bedouin leader is unreasonable and the knights will not have it. They have abused our knights when taken prisoner and now he sends out his Bedouin to try to kill one of us to gain back her memory. The knights are having no more of it- if a Bedouin is outside their camp the knights will attack on sight. We will not be treated like this any longer. We are at war.

Dano Wylie

EDITOR'S NOTE: The Bedouin Leader, Shiekh Jordan, has expressed that a response to this declaration will follow shortly.

As one of Ireem's mystics, I sometimes learn of alarming situations and I quietly take action to avert them. I feel this is one of my responsibilities as a mage of our fair kingdom.

In this case, however, I must ask for the assistance of every dungeon guard.

Ninja Firanelli is running for the very important position of Leader for the Dungeon Guards.

I have read the tarot and I am more than a little concerned.

The cards tell a tale of theft and deceit. They speak of lies and cheating, and deep, deep corruption.

They also warn that the Sultana will be insulted, innocent people arrested out of greed, and possibly wars started.

I am not sure exactly what the warning regarding the breasts is about, but I assure you, it seems rather dreadful.

It is clear to me, dungeonkeepers, that the reading is a warning to you to vote for ANYONE but Ninja Firanelli for dungeon leader.

He is sure to bring chaos. And even worse, bad poetry.

Anneliese Wolfenhaut
Magi Leader

P.S. This plea has nothing to do with the $1,000 k that Ninja stole from me.


It was early in the morning when a pair of Djinn were negotiating with one of Ireem's citizens only to be interrupted by slaver leader Chris Wilder, who made some wild threats and was warned be the Djinn of Deals, also known simply as "The Wind" (Serahjim Rajal) not interfere with their affairs. Chris, enthusiastic as ever, proceeded to attack the Djinn, who reportedly did not bother to draw his weapon, instead preferring to simply vanish. He would appear roughly an hour later in the auction square holding a large scorpion at his back.

He pulled the scorpion from his back and as he held it in his hand it turned to sand, blowing freely toward the slaver's camp. He would turn to Chris, also at the auction square, and tell him that a plague of scorpions would be the cost of his arrogance against the djinn, noting that the magic would be lifted only when Chris humbles himself with an apology to all three parties that stood upon the wall.

Asked for his reaction to the incident, Chris replied angrily, "The Djinn will pay for this! "

The Djinn "Leader", Nakira, giggled gleefully when told of the incident, adding, "Doesn't surprise me one bit... I personally would have gone with purple hail, but scorpions have style too."

The Catacombs are an excellent source of many vitamins and minerals, keeping your slave healthy and lean and ready to serve you. Rat Brain Stew has been proven by extensive research to be literally the perfect nutritional food. And the best thing- there's phosphorous in the catacombs, making your favorite slave glow in the dark, perfect for those pesky ones that try to run away from your clutches at night! Now you can simply catch them again and beat them into submission for thier insolence at your leisure.

(NOTE: Silk Pillow slaves don't appreciate the whole "Beating into submission" thing. Consult your slave for her/his preferences, but most react well to being fed chocolates and fine wines while recieving a foot massage when they misbehave.)

A Note from the Bedouin camp:

Amidst the battle of the waging war, Sheikh Jonathon Moriarty pulled Sheikh Jordan (MasterJ) aside and requested a meeting. Jonathon had been sorely pressed on both sides by attackers and was wounded badly.

A meeting was called and Jonathon asked for Jordan to take up the banner for the Bedouin as leader, and press on with the attack. After much talk, it was agreed that such a decision should not be made in wartime, and waited until matters were in control again and the land was safe.

Later, on a sunny day, overlooking the sands from Bedu hill, the two Sheikhs talked again, and came to an agreement. Jordan agreed to take up the banner and lead the Bedouin to let Jonathon rest and recover from the many attacks on his life.

This means that Jordan (MasterJ Swashbuckler) will be interim leader at this point until such time another election can take place. Personally, in this editor's opinion, I have to wonder if he's going to be too distracted with that harem of girls he's keeping to really pay attention to anything more than a figurehead. Is there truth to the rumor that the Bedu Camels wield the true power in the Bedu Camp???

About a week ago I sent out questionnaires to each of the three Dungeon Guard candidates - Rana Robbiani, Copper Convair, and Ninja Firanelli. This particular round is unique, in this I have only recieved a single response - Rana's. Copper is away in a foreign land and gave his consent for the article to continue without his input, however Ninja simply never responded to the people's thirst for knowledge. In an effort to make up for his shortfallings, I have taken it upon myself to come up with Authentic Reproductions of Answers Ninja Might Have Given for everyone's education about this election.

Without further adieu, your candidates:
1. Is there a role that you would ideally like to see the Dungeon Guards fill as predators in Ireem? Describe your vision.
We always protect the Sultana and whenever she calls for us we answer at once.... and with our lives we do what ever it takes to obey her wish...

If i look forward in ireem´s sunrises and sundawns i see us Dungeons like this: We`ll protect all who deserve our protection... they who doesn´t... we`ll kick their asses and we do it hard...cause if they dont deserve our protection they deserve to feel the kiss of a dungeonsword....slow and with a touch of love before they eats the sand..We Dungeons are filled with love so we should have a role to care of peopels who deserve our love..

Absolutely Possibly Factual Answer NINJA could have given:
boobies *drool*

2. What makes you a good leader for the Dungeon Guards?
I am sweet and polite and i obey that one i serve 101 % (Sultana)
I´m always up for something fun and i love to use my sword (if it´s not laggy). My strength is that i´m stubborn as hell and always up for funny things.... i am a good friend and i love food...(not slaverfood cause once i did one thing in it) I´m good at to make peopels listen to me and i´m a good listner self to others....hrrm if it´s not an enemie of course .. in that case i use my sword at first..

NINJA probably would have said:
I'm gonna be a Ninja! Ninja Ninja Ninja!! BELIEVE IT!

3. What plans do you have for the faction, if you are elected? Are there any glaring issues that you feel need to be addressed within the guards?
I want people in our group that are a true dungeons... in their souls... not anyone who changes meter every day.. and if i become leader i would make a party every month to pay my fellows back for that they always follow their duty... and always try to have fun

Absolutely Reproduced Answer of an Imagining of NINJA's Mind:
There's too much sand in the desert. Using my secret ninja training, I would make everyone put the sand in little jars, and sell them to raise money to buy a jelly-like substance to replace the sand with.

4. Suppose another faction decides that it's out to kill members of the guard. What do you do as leader?
First of all i gonna see witch tribe it is then do a quick overlook and try to see the reason why they attack for their leader and talk with him/her then i call all my Dungeons together with swords drawn...tell them whats going on and spread all out and make it safe for our Sultana....if they still attack us we simply kill them.... all....if there is any survival we take them to dungeon and toture them if it´s needed...

Could actually be said by NINJA:
Stare longingly at thier boobies then take a nap. A long one.

5. If you could have any kind of pet for the dungeon, what would it be? Does that pet breathe fire, acid, or mint frosting?
It is a small icedragon... born in the cathedral of Wyrms..and it´s gonna breath mintfrosting....cold but soooo fresh

Smells like Teen NINJA:
*snore* *drool* Ninnja boobiess....

6. What do you enjoy about being a Dungeon Guard, as opposed to being a member of the another faction?
It´s a simple question..... We are the best... we have an important duty to follow... to protect the Sultana ,the citizens, that mission makes us treat others with respect.. I´m proud to be a Dungeon... besides i would be devestated to walk around as a smelly beduin with all those flies around my head hehe

Pretty sure this is NINJA:
"Guard" rhymes with "Hard"... I like Hard Nipples...

7. Any final thoughts for Ireem?
My dream is to be there with no lag at all And i just want all to have fun... always and i do my best to create funny things for me and all i know in Ireem.

I swear I heard NINJA say:
Has anyone seen Phox Sillanpaa? Ringo Villota want to know anything about Phox... yeah, the Chronicles is like, the best paper ever.... with the sexiest editor..... she's got some nice boobies....
helps her keep a breast of current events... ha ha.. get it?

Blogger Template by Blogcrowds