The Ireem Chronicles

Dear Granny,

I am a young man of 22 years old. I work as a baker and have fallen in love with a Bedouin woman who visited our establishment everyday. We get on well and she demands a lot of sex every night I visit her tent. When we make love, which is every night, she has multiple orgasms after only a few minutes of sex and we usually get complain from other people in the nearby tent for the noise. Recently she has introduced me to her sisters and friends, giving me nickname such as “Woody” and “Stud O’More”. The problem is I feel she is just using me for my body, and I found her name calling embarrassing and humiliating. What should I do?

(Granny) First, you need to come up to the Magi Tower and see me and let me verified your claim of of multiple orgasms. Granny work for this stupid paper for free so I need all the perks that I can get.

As to your dilemma, you are actually in a classic situation which often the preserve of the women across the land where men just used us for sex and calling us all sort of names like “hunny” or “bishes” thinking it’s cute. Well it’s not. Most relationships are all about sex to start with, and in my marriages, usually sex that end with too.

Beside that point, I think your “friend” is actually suffering from a problem of what I classified as “Getting Old”. You see, with people who suffering from “Getting Old”, they like to do things to recapture their youth, maybe hunt a few slaves, or sold their whole clan to some spineless fairy dog for some coins, or in your friend’s case, being a horny bitch and hump a young stud non stop and humiliate him (Ed: erm…. Pot calling kettle black here…..).

As a woman of similar age…. (Ed: You sure about that granny???) I can totally understand why she does such things. She is probably footloose, and fancy herself being free and horny in her middle age, with some handsome young men who could offer multiple orgasms every night….. you know what, you should just shoot that bitch and come to visit Granny tonight for some more personal advice.

Granny Robyn, wishing you all to live a healthy and active life in Ireem

(disclaimer: the view of the columnist do not reflect on the view of the Chronicles)

The Chronicles can report there will be another election coming up soon in Ireem

It's been a long time since the Physicial Office in the city being run by somebody and it has been decided that in the latest round of meeting between the senior physicians that we will elect a Doctor to run the Office.

The Physician Office is an important insititue to Ireem, serving not only the citizen but also others living around our city, open to all those who seek medical help in time of need. We are hoping that the person who runs it will honour such tradition and with intergrity.

Those who believe they are qualify for this job, please sign up to the election board outside the office. In addition to that, please submit your resume and reference to the Chronicles, or a candidate statement as to why the citizens of Ireem should be voting for you.

Here is the letter from Corum in reply to Anonymous Knight's Spokesperson, printed in its original form as requested by the sender:

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Dear Anonymous,
First, I must say that the Knights should find someone of courage to be their public spokesman/woman. Signing a document “Anonymous Spokesman for the Knights” does look bad politically for them all. If they all agree with the comments, it should be “The Knights.” If it’s just one fractious individual, the honorable thing is to put your name on the document and face the consequences. I don’t think your new Imperatrix would do much. I doubt you’d even have to give a public apology.
By signing “Anonymous Spokesman for the Knights,” you place all the shame of your childish tirade on Imperatrix Avery. As the Knight leader, she must shoulder the burden of all the knights’ ills. She must right wrongs of all the knights, discipline the unwieldy, question the suspect. She is responsible for all the knights—the shining and brilliant, the back-stabbing and lollygagging, the sly plotters and the overwrought. That’s just basic leadership.
Now, for my part, I apologize if my optimism blinded me to the seriousness of this terrible, terrible crime wave. I stand corrected. I provided a list of seven criminals who have gone uncaptured and untried for crimes dating as far back as November and as recent as March 28th. ((Check the Website while you’re checking my math, I stopped at the top seven criminals and could have provided higher totals.)) Overwhelmed by patriotism and my faith in the knights, I underestimated the power and influence of the thieves.
If only I coulf (sic) turn a blind eye to the fiscal losses of myself and my fellow store owners and, instead, focus of the hope promised by the election of Avery to the Imperatrix position over the knights. But, there are @43,000g worth of New Crimes (as opposed to PAST crimes in which the culprits have been caught and tried or otherwise taken off the books) staring at me. This is a lowball estimate and I would gladly accept an accurate and more likely higher count from “Anon.” as that dear knight has nothing better to do than math. Some of these crimes date back to September and many were committed in the last few days.
As a favor for all the knights “Anon” speaks for,

I’ll expand my “Most Wanted” list to a Top Ten.

1. Dita Applewhyte @ 6700g stolen in NEW crimes
2. Delian Snowpaw @ 5000g stolen in NEW crimes
3. Myrna Baxton @ 4800g stolen in NEW crimes
4. Switchblade Daine 4000g stolen in NEW crimes
5. Deja Greymoon @ 3000g stolen in NEW CRIMES
6. Budoken Fell @ 2300g stolen in NEW crimes
7. Keiel Tempest @ 2300g stolen in NEW crimes
8. Dasani Cyberstar @ 2200g stolen in NEW crimes.
9. Sylvia Forzane @2200g stolen in NEW crimes
10. Palmira Bluebird @ 1813g stolen in NEW crimes.

Good Sir Knight Mathias Brucoto did the city of a favor and caught Rhianna Wickentower. Hip Hip Hoo-Ray! A knight did his job.
Whether she was tried or sold to Sae for his nourishment, I did not stay to see.
As you can see Rhianna, like Renickor Dartmouth and Badboy Luv , is a small-timer barely worthy of mention compared to the real high rollers of Ireem. I congratulate Budoken Fell for being the only male to make that list.
I apologize for pointing out Rhianna, Renickor and Badboy as criminals worthy of the attention of the knights. Clearly, they are not. They made no mathematical errors in subtracting from the hard-earned funds of the shop keepers of the city. Only moral errors, which Anon shows us are not the concern of the Knights.
I thank “Anonymous Spokesman of the Knights” for stirring me to deeper investigation of the unbridled crime wave in the city. Knowing the situation more fully convinces me of the urgency of the issue. What I would like to see—as stated in my previous letter—is for the Store Owners to band together to put healthy bounties on the city’s worst criminals to encourage the general public to participate in the capture of these villains.
I do not fully understand “Anon’s” complaints against the plan. If my wife or her employees collects any of the money, the coin will be given in exchange for the criminal, a simple and above board transaction ((regulated by the SGS System and the bounty boards.)) Any citizen would be able to collect the bounties. I would assume knights could collect the bounties as well, unless the Imperatrix forbids such a thing. If that be her will, the project would give knights time to do the math to see that criminals are committing crimes while the common people show courage and honor defeating the thieves.

CORUM, the Mathematically Challenged.

Welcome to the Chronicles, Tim. Let's get straight to the subject matter. Since the Magi Council announces there will be a magi conclave to select the new leader, you have been tip as one of the favourite, and no surprise to us all, you have sign up to it. Are you confident that you are will win the election?

(Tim Speiser) Confident? I wouldn't say that. Elections often come down to a popularity contest and you never know what will happen. I will put forth my ideas and plans to my fellow Magi and hope for the best.

And would you like to share some of those plan to our readers?

Of course. My first goal is to bring the Magi back in touch with their history. The Magi of this city are descended from some of the most powerful Magi to ever live. Our ancestors created a weapon that destroyed an entire land mass! Yet now we roam the sands alone, rarely joining our powers or sharing knowledge. I hope to change that for the better.

That's very admirable. Certainly myself don't know too much about the magi other than they can make me feel suicidal very quickly. Do you have any plan to help promote this lack of knowledge among the citizens?

The first priority will be to bring the Magi themselves back in touch with this history, no small feat I can tell you. After that we will work on spreading things further. I have several ideas working and have spoken to the knights leadership and The Sultana regarding them.

And I assume the Chronicles will be hearing about them when you are ready too. Now, let me go to the more awkward question, and believe me i hate asking this too. What made you think you should be the leader of the magi?

I wouldn't say that I should. In fact when the council met I voted against a single leader. However the other magi felt one was needed. I have experience, being the last Magi to carry the title of Shalifi (leader). I will let the Magi decide if I should be leader or not.

That's all good, but seriously, do you see there is any other better candidate within the group, whether or not they have submitted to the candidacy?

If I did not think I was the best candidate then I would not offer my services.

So, not having to know what your relationship with other candidates, are we expecting a lot of mug flinging antics between the candidates during the campaigns, or would you expect otherwise?

One can never know such things. Speaking only for myself I will say no. I have no need to do those types of things. I will let the Magi judge me based on my ideas, If they do not like those ideas and chose another to lead them then so be it. I know you at The Chronicles pray for a nasty dirty election, after all that makes good news. I would simply say that if someone resorts to such tactics it is only because they cannot stand on their ideals alone.

Oh I wouldn't say we pray for one. We are a action orientated group so we will be actively create one...... but let's leave that aside for a moment. What kind of things do you thing the electorate will be looking for in the Leader?

I think they want a leader that can bring some purpose back to their day to day lives, while at the same time not infringing on their personal freedom. It is a tall order and will require a subtle touch.

One of the things I have heard recently is the backstreet whispers against Sultana's rule in the city and demanding a change in the political system in Ireem. If you become the leader of Magi, would you take the group toward that direction? Where would your loyalty lies?

The ancestors I spoke of earlier served the Perzian Empire. The Magi in this city have a tower to study in, the freedom to pursue their studies because of the Sultana and her honord fathers. I have no intention of standing against her. On the contrary as magi leader I would actively support her right to rule.

Very good, as a member of the court I will certainly please to know which side you are on. Is there anything you would like to add or say to our readers regarding your candidacy?

I would advise the Magi to choose well. Consider the plans and positions of each candidate, then chose the person that you think will be best for all Magi in Ireem.

Thank you very much Tim. Chronicles wish you the best of luck in the upcoming election

Thank you for your time

(Chronicles) So, Ms. Brucato, please tell me a little about yourself?

(Carly) Well, first maybe I should introduce myself to those who do not know me. I was found on the docks by my Mother Enigma, along with my Brother Mache. While Mache has been dropped on his head too many times, he has attempted to live a good and pure life. However the head dropping, at times, seems to interfere. Since Ireem was a dangerous place at that time, Eni decided it would be best that I be hidden in the Harem for my own safety.

What of your time there, within the Harem?

The Countess Page took me into the Harem, where I lived for a long period of time. As I grew, it was clear that Harem life was not meant for me. When I left the Harem, I was confused, mixed with anger on how I was ejected. Those closest to me knew the inner turmoil that I was suffering. Demons and evil thoughts fought within with what I knew was good, and how I was raised, and the influences of my family and my friends. Then one day I stood in the tall tower over the Arena, and over the court... with my life having no meaning, and no direction. I looked to the sky and the sun, and then a Light shown off the Temple..and surrounded me... I felt warm, my mind was clear, and focused. There was a bright light in my mind...a clear path, the Light of Zin Ray was within me. I knew then that my entire life was as it was for a purpose, to serve the Goddess and spread her word in our city and to the heathens of the desert.

Tell us why you feel you would be best to lead the other followers of Zin Ray, who travel the same path you seem to have found?

Some are just evil, they wish to pervert our beliefs for their personal satisfaction. Recently, our religion has been tossed to the side in the life of our city. Religion has no place in the day to day life here. We are not noticed, not acknowledged. In the Harem, it was my goal to help all. I had worked hard in the Chapel to bring the evil ones to an acceptance of good and right. Even then, I did not realize it, but my life was pointed to service for the Goddess. We need to bring peace and goodness back to Ireem. We need to help the Palace reconnect with the people of Ireem. We need to bring the slavers some level of basic decency. Even the Undead can have a place in society, as long as they respect the basic beliefs of our people.

How do you plan to do that, Ms. Brucato?

I am not a fighter, and all know that. I have tried to stay on friendly terms with all. Goodness is within all, it just takes time to reach it. It is our mission to reach all and establish that the Religious Faction of this City is to be respected and acknowledged. We have a place in this city and it is not to be ignored or walked over. The Goddess put us here to help direct the people and the Palace and together we will make our messages clear, and understood. Even if special measures are needed to *convince* some that they need to see the Light.

Any parting words for our readers, Ms. Brucato?

For the voters, I want to make clear; we are not just some group of quiet ones, to be ignored. Our time is here. It is time to make that clear to all. *Smiles innocently.*

Citizens of Ireem, can we have your attention please? The Chronicles has just received a letter from the Anonymous Knight's Spokesperson. And I quote.......

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Dear all,

We would like to address a few things that Corum has stated in his recent letter to the business owners.

First of all, those individuals have stolen a total of 12,867G, not 12,175G as stated in his letter. Secondly, there were seven names in his list, not six as he suggested in his first line of the letter.

Mathematical ability aside, Corum also made another wrong assumption. He stated that the criminals have gone uncaptured and unpunished. That statement is absolutely wrong. All of those criminals have been arrested at various points and have been to court for their crime(s). In fact, they have been the law office’s clients on many occasions and Corum is the owner of that office, which also happens to be the only law office in town. He should know of those facts, or coulf easily look them up, instead of stating some random things as fact.

Lastly, we know that the owner of Arena, who happens to be married to Corum, has recently started a new service of hunting petty thief in Ireem. Whether or not this has to do with Corum’s sudden interest in hunting these “six” (or seven, depending on if you can count) individuals is not up to us to say. Nor would we comment on the fact that his law office makes their living from defending these criminals in the first place.

Anonymous Knight’s Spokesperson

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After a meeting with the Magi Elders Council, it was decided that a Magi conclave will be held soon to select a new Leader of the Magi. All members of the Magi community will be automatically qualify as the electorate for this election. Those who consider themselves worthy of the position are encourage to enrol on the notice board outside of the Magi Tower.

In addition, the Chronicles will once again provide a space for all the candidates to release a statement of their candidacy. All candidates are encourage to contact the staff at the Chronicles to arrange an interview or directly send a statement to the editor if you so choose.

The Election will be call soon so all interested candidates should register as soon as possible.

The Chronicles would like to thank you for the interest in the recent recruitment drive. We are pleased to announce that we have appointed several new staff members into the Chronicles Office.

One of the new appointments in the Chronicles is Kilia, our new co-editor, who will take over the busy workload when the Editor is absent (which happens often, especially when the sun gets too hot). Also joining the team alongside Kilia are several a new columnists who will be bringing you a selection of regular features that hopefully will enrich the readership:

1) Style: We are excited to bring you a fashion guru in Ireem who will tell us all about the latest trend of fashion and chic. The writer has impressed many of us every day with her great sense of class and looks, so we are excited that she has agreed to join our writing team.

2) Agony Aunt: What kind of newspaper is it if we don't have an agony aunt? She will be the number one adviser of all things agony related, including sex, pregnancy, and ways to capture a man’s heart (and how to cook it afterward). Our agony aunt, though old and bloody cranky, will no doubt offer her help to all those who have issues but aren’t sure who to talk to.

3) Secret Diary of a Knight: Shhh…… No, we won’t tell you which knight this is, or even the gender! But as sure as Ulrikk pounding his chest, we can promise that there will be plenty of juicy stories that you will not hear of elsewhere.

4) Legal advice: Our law expert will be giving you tips on all things legal, as well as answering any questions from our readers regarding the law and, more importantly, how to escape it.

5) The Undercover reports: A select group of elite undercover reporters, as well as spineless turncoats from various clans, have agreed to take on the dangerous but ultimately rewarding (certainly for the readers) task of bringing you the latest and hottest secret gossips from around Ireem.

The Chronicles will be bringing you those features over the next few weeks, along with the all-important election coverage of Ireem denizens that will be happening very soon.

The following is an open letter from Corum the lawyer to all business owners in Ireem:

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My Fellow Store Owners,

the Following 6 thieves have stolen 12,175g from us and have gone uncaptured and unpunished..

Rhianna Wickentower
Palmira Bluebird
Sylvia Forzane
Renickor Dartmouth
Badboy Luv
Deja Greymoon
Budoken Fell (Kal)

some of their crimes date back to November of 2010, but they
all remain active theives in our community. I suggest we combine our resources to put healthy bounties (@ 500g) on each of these criminals. When caught and turned in for the bounty, we sell them to recoup our losses.

We would each have to put up 300g, more if not all of us participate. And those that do contribute divide the auction price equally.

The Ideal situation would be to have the knights buy them and put them on trial for their crimes.

Corum

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( pictures of an unnamed victim )






It is came to Chronicles’ understanding that, there is a new scam running in Ireem

According to the victim of this crime, a group of attractive and sexy young ladies would lured the victim, usually a man with somewhat gullible mind, either with the promise of a “drink” or a call for help. When the victim is lured to their place, they would offered the victim some drink which is laced with drugs. And when the victim wake up the next morning, his wallet was gone as well as having his body tattoo with messages (See pics)

“I was offered a cup of tea, and my family tradition dictate that if a beautiful girl offered us tea, it’s rude to refused,” one of the victim, who will remind unnamed for his safety, tearfully recalled what happened to him, “I was then passed out and woke up some time later with headache and cannot remember what happened. I have also discovered I have the tattoo on my body

The Knights’ spokesperson has reassured our reporters that the incidents are isolated events, and all citizens should feel safe to accept hot tea with strangers, especially the beautiful ones. The knights has also officially ruled out Granny Robyn as the culprit since all the reported incidents were involved beautiful young ladies, instead of a old woman with saggy breasts.