The Ireem Chronicles

*You unfold a rather dirty pamphlet with almost illegible handwriting and an image of a scrawny Magi wearing a fur coat hugging children. Looking closer you see that the children are wrong, one has six fingers, the other has no eyes, and the little girl giving him flowers has a third leg. The flowers are also nettles.*

Vote Petertron Nieuport for Magi leader

In 200 years, the world will come to an end. Peter knows this, and will do everything in his power to prevent such a horrific catastrophe from happening before its time. Furthermore, he has a firmly fundamentalist stance on all the major Magi issues, such as Spell control, hypnotism, and arcane restructuring. He also has a history with working with the city on major political and government issues, and is involved with the community, and under his watch, the Magi library gained a entirely new section of books, labeled, "Tomes of horrific evil."

Always a firm believer in Magi rights, he puts the Magi first, quoting the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred, "The arcane ones shall bring forth the dark ones, and begin the dark ascension of the great Azathoth." Peter was also seen at several major events, or at least several kilometers away, cowering from the sun. He also has read most of the books in the Magi library, and is well liked by one of his parents.

If elected, Peter promises to place the Magi first, and work to bring forth the dark ones at the exact time when they are prophesied to come. He will also create a Magi registration system that involves a certain level of organization the part of the Magi, and will do all he can to create peace between the undead and the above world, seeing the soulless as simply misunderstood gentle creatures with a penchant for torture. He is also well liked by children, as you can see by the picture.

In fact, other members of the Kingdom have found themselves feeling a sudden bout of Peter-mania, after meeting this young, charismatic Magi.

Opponent Magi Anneliese Wolfenhaut had this to say, “Peter? Peter? Let me tell you about Peter. *the next chunk of text is scribbled out* Peter is a fine candidate, and I am honored to be running for him. While I would just do stupid things like paint the tower of Magi pink and cry into my pillow every night, Peter might actually do something cool. Also, you shouldn't vote for me, because I would mess everything up and cry about it.”

Knight and Peter fan Camell Uggla had this to say, “Peter is the chosen one... You must vote for him... He is handsome and perfect in every way, and I would give my all to support him in this election... Also, don't vote for Severus... he smells of kitten death and afterbirth... YES THEE CAN!” While she said this, her state was so full of Peter mania that her eyes were fully glazed over, her pupils fully dilated, a sure sign of the recent rash of Peter mania that has been overtaking the town.

Also, after it being revealed that Skip is actually terminally ill by special Peter spell-analysis, voting for Skip will be a vote for the undead agenda. No matter how much Skip denies this fact, he is dying. And will become an undead. You don't want an undead in the tower of Magi, do you? If we have an undead in the tower of Magi, they might be permitted to watch our children, and if they watch our children, we might have undead children. The undead agenda is wrong, and must be prevented. You wouldn't want a horrible zombie child, would you? Peter would, but you don't. Vote for Peter.

Also, none of the other candidates showed up to Peter's special debates, which he held in the middle of the desert at 3am. This shows that they are unreliable, and cannot be trusted. Peter, however, did a moving speech about his personal history, his relationship with his parents, his strained relationship with his siblings, and his favorite books. The insects in attendance were all wooed.

Vote Peter in this election, it is the only logical choice that does not result in death and horror, at least for 200 years. If you vote otherwise, your loved ones will die horribly, your pets will get syphillis and die, and your potted plants will become self aware and try to strangle you in your sleep. In fact, hand this pamphlet off to 10 other people, or your hair will all fall out, but if you hand it off to 20 people, you will receive a bigger bust size or a free copy of Peter's inspiring autobiography, “Life is a pointless walk to the eternal void.” So, remember to vote Peter, he represents Change.