The Ireem Chronicles

From Your Dear Editor:

Greetings Everyone, I see from the number of messages left at my doorstep that I neglected to mention that I'd be spontaiously whisked away from the mortal realm to attend the Djinni Orientation I was putting off (Nakira insisted, saying that her insurance doesn't cover rogue Half-Human/Half-Djinnis running around that haven't been through the proper orientation.... and the fact that I accidentally broke that antique vase while I was practicing my Ancient Djinni Invocation of Uncontrollable Lightning Unleashing really didn't help matters).

Let me assure you that I have everything perfectly under control.

Perfectly. *the paper is littered with a few burn marks here*

And now, a few points that I feel the need to publish:

1. The "Most Promising Bedouin" event, hosted by those rascally Bedouins, was a big success and alot of fun was had by all. Thanks go out to the girls who helped with the event, Elijah Jumanya, friskie Quintessa, The Virgin Baker Kadiara Jewell, Sakkara Quamar, Selena Sigal (who managed to get through the chaos only being captured by Dinky), Jasmine (Kylara Kuhn), and some other pest that tagged along with the event who I don't care mention, but was caught by Dinky and properly dealt with in the final stages of the game. Congratulations and Adoration go out to the winner, Kammy Streeter, who caught Jasmine and managed to defeat Dinky in single combat, becoming the winner of the event!

2. As most know by now, the Undead Leader Aizen Wind fell in battle with Seraf several days ago. Granted, given that he was dead already, top Ireemian philosophers are still trying to figure this one out, but in the confusion, Silver Sodertelge assumed control of the undead until the appearance of an election can be held and ballots cast using the blood of virgin innocents (which is much less prone to blotting than the blood of horny sluts with loose morals, and thus less likely to provoke messy if pointless legal challenges.) Asked to comment on his impending death, Aizen was kind enough to relay a few final words to everyone: ". SHIT SHIT...NOOO!!"

3. As noted previously, An Undead Election will be held, but it is expected that voter turnout will be practically dead.

4. The Slave Girl Scribbles went through a great ordeal recently, having been raped and.. well, more raped.. by the now-defunct undead leader Aizen, in the name of phoney god Nergal (although be on the lookout for copycat gods). A child was greated from the assault, one sadly not long for this world, though a rash a prophesies both great and small were uttered about the child.
If some of the things that were said are to be believed, the death of the child will be a cause for great destruction on the land..... Or prehaps the child and Aizen's fates were linked? Does the death of Aizen mean the prophesy was broken? Or was the prophesy even more than simple words spoken by misguided mystics to begin with?

5. Sage Rosenfeld, Editor of the Chronicles, and person who infamously talks about herself in the third person today announced that she was stepping down from the position in the near future to focus on her true love: Randomly running around the desert being a pain in the ass. "I love the Chronicles - but the desert calls to me, as it always does, and between being kidnapped for Djinni Orientations and being forced under Nakira's desk to satiate her insane desire for oral sex for days on end, I find that I am left without the time to devote to the paper that it, and the crazy people of this kingdom, truely deserve. As long as the paper wants me, however, I will be happy to submit my thoughts to it... but only between watching the silly slave-collectors of the desert fall on thier face, worshipping my feet as they curse thier slowness in my wake." Pausing, she added nervously: "OK, except for Jasmine, who will no doubt take that as a challenge even though she knows she's perfectly capable of running me down and using my ass as a stool anytime she wants."

Sage