The Ireem Chronicles

A brand new gossips column, brought to you by our brave and frankly somewhat idiotic Whispers team!

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  Now that the dust has been settle, we must congratulate all the election winners once again!  If you haven’t yet, you can read our office cat’s fantastic article about them.  But, that is for the winners.  What we are bring you is stories of all the dirty tricks, back stabbing, and other funny and disgusting tactics that some of those losers were trying to use in order to win an election.

  The biggest drama of all, was of course coming from the pirate slavers!  When they were giving the choice between a candidate who has more slaves than the number of words he can strings together in one sentence, or a woman who has turn sides more often than very well fried pancake in the bakery, you would have thought the sensible decision would be voting for NO LEADER.  Alas, they are obviously not a bright bunch (Remember, these are the bunch of bright souls who last voted in a leader who got humiliated every week from everyone, including from his own slaves).  From what we heard, the eventually winner had some powerful backing to secure his winning, including the leader of the “Pissed-off Chicken” (Yes, we changed the name in this article to protect the identity of all those involve).  After risking our life, the Whispers team managed to secure a note that was passed around between the slavers:

  “There is two options to vote: for Captain Dirty, who, I may call more "real" slaver between both candidates. And from other side we have Traitor woman, who is Monster Penis’  slave.  As leader of you, I will tell you about my choose : I won't see a slave leads the slavers ! I would vote for Captain Dirty!” Written by Wild Chicken (( Again, all the name are changed, to protect their identity and reputation ))

  Now, if you asked me, I would say it was a bit mean to pass a note like this around, since most of the slavers probably cannot read.  But, who can blame Wild Chicken, who himself has changed side to be his former woman to the Smelly Camels, only to see her buggered off to the slavers and tried to take over his former family?  And we best not talk about the whispers about certain affair that involved a Batman as well!

  Speaking of Batman, his election seemed to be a smooth sailing, right?  Well almost.  Despite what many believe, Batman’s election was probably the most competitive one at the end.  Some blamed it on the Batman’s focus on sex instead of leading his army.  Certainly that’s what Big Bad Wolf was implying.  BUT!  It wasn’t like BBW was all so clean himself.  From our source at the Slaver camp, we were told that there were a SECRET AGREEMENT between BBW and the Pancake Woman, that if they have won their respective election, they would break off the current alliance and form the all powerful UNDEAD SLAVER group!  Of course, neither of them win, so it’s really just a moot point.

  And what about the Bedouins?  At least they have the sense and voted the right leader this time around.  Certainly Lady Softie is a much better one to look at than the last leader, and we wouldn’t need an Bedouinian Interpreter everytime he tried to talk.  Adding her best friend Noodlehead into the mix, we can see nothing but good things that will be coming out of them now.   Though, one would wish that someone will tell Noodlehead to cut some of those wild crap hair that she has, or at least wash them a bit.  We could smell her from the Chronicles office quite soon.

This is enough for now, since the stingy editor doesn’t pay us nearly enough to write.  The Whispers team will be back again another day to bring you more hot hot hot gossips!