The Ireem Chronicles

It was a typical day in Ireem.  Most citizens were going about their business, selling their goods, and sharing stories over drinks at the tavern, when out of nowhere a band of warriors stormed the streets with prisoners in tow.

Based upon initial observation , this group of ardent warriors seemed to have been attacking at random, but witness testimony proves otherwise.  The witness had been shaken by the events, but were able to tell us that there was mention of a list of names prepared of the victims who would be targeted that day.  Many witnesses were reluctant to state who was directly involved in the massacre, but luckily there were a few that were more than eager to give us information.  "One of them had to be Damien.  I wasn't sure at first, but when he stopped to grope my breasts, I was positive it was him.  He's been known to grope and run you know!" Unfortunately, we couldn't finish the interview with the witness, as she was pulled away to auction.  Others have stated they witnessed Flea the ever powerful Djinn, a masked man with a cape, and a spotted squirrel woman wielding an axe were also participants.

Many citizens were met with dismay as they witnessed the Magi Leader being dragged by the squirrel woman.  "It was a very disturbing sight.  I had to look away after I had seen what they did to that poor man." No further comments were mentioned of the Magi Leader as many citizens left us with feelings of confusion and horror.

There had also been rumors that the Princess Lexie and the Sultana herself had been captured and taken to the Catacombs.  After investigating further, we had received witness testimony from one of the Magi confirming that the Princess and the Sultana had indeed been in the catacombs. By the time the Magi arrived for further investigation, the Princess had been sent home, while the Sultana stayed to nap.  There were no signs of hostility.

What was the motive behind this massacre?  Rumors state that there was mention of the numbers 666.  Is this a precursor to war and destruction to the kingdom of Ireem? Hopefully not!  

~ Report from the street

It was a beautiful evening at the  Enchanted Waters Mer Ball....  Everyone danced until they couldn't dance any longer and then Bones the Pirate showed up to entertain us with a clanking bones version of every tune while slugging a jug of rum, of course!  Which he was happy to share with everyone present!    A good time was had by all!

Pirate/Slaver Mebo defeated the dark knight, Sir Plat, in a duel, fair and square.  After which she leashed him and dragged him through the streets of Ireem to humiliate him but the greatest humiliation was ahead of him.

Dragging him to the House of Pleasure, she constrained him and called for any female resident to come and have their way with him for no charge.  And was this the humiliation?  No, not really.  The greatest humiliation was that there were no takers other than a small gathering of women who came to laugh at the red faced Dark Knight.

First MeBo stripped him and forced him to wear a purple silk almost covering his manhood... then she stepped aside and allowed the other women to approach him with some form of torment.   First a torch was used to singe the edge of his purple silk .. then various other forms of teasing and torture continued for hours until he was released more out of the bordom of the crowd than of any compassion for the dark knight. 

For the benefits of our citizens, here is a copy of the laws of Ireem. 

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LAWS AND FINES IN IREEM

Sultana
1. Attempted Murder: 2500g
2. Assault: 1500g
3. Threat against the Sultana: 1000g
4. Insult or Disobey: 500g and Inprisonment (15min max within the city jails.)

Royal Family & Harem
1. Attempted Murder: 1500g
2. Assault:  800g
3. Threat: 500g
1. Trespassing: 100g and Inprisonment (15min max within the city jails.)

The City, Ireem
1. Drawn Weapon inside the City Walls: 50G (Raiders are omitted.)
2. Naked inside the City Walls: (imprisoned if completely naked, no gold fine.)
3. Robbery: Automatically reported by the Owner

Other Crimes inside the City Walls
1. Attempted Murder: 200g
2. Murder: 300g
3. Rape / Sexual Assault: 150g
4. Theft / Pickpocketing: manually reported by the Owner

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Royal Wedding

A GLORIOUS ROYAL WEDDING

~ written by Pasha

It was a spectacular day in Ireem when our beloved Princess Page was taken in marriage to the handsome Prince Rexie.

Most of the residents of Ireem were present as the beautiful Princess Page walked down the aisle.  A collective gasp was heard at the vision of her loveliness as she floated gracefully down the aisle to take her place beside her betrothed.

  Prince Rexie beamed with pride as he gazed upon our dear Princess.. soon to be his wife. 

Sultana Zanlu officiated at the ceremony and surprised everyone with the first words being for Prince Rexie, "First of all.. I have some words for you, Lord Rexie.  You have been a very much a gentleman since the first day that we met..Loyal, generous, gentle..and now you are going to get married to a Princess. Well...I take this opportunity for promoting you Prince.  First of all because you deserve this title for your great behavior and, second, because I don't want see you at her side as prince-consort." With this comment, Sultana gave a little grin.  then bestowed on him the title of Prince Rexie. 

Sultana then asked each of them to receive the other as their spouse and to pledge their love, faith, loyalty and devotion. 

Sultana then looked to both of them saying, "Receive each other, by saying now, each to the other, words which will tell of your love."

Prince Rexie first spoke as he gazed in Princess Page's eyes, " I, Prince Rexie take you, Page,  to be no other than yourself, in all the ways life may find us, tending you in sickness and rejoicing with you in health, as long as we both shall live to love with my whole heart forever."

As Princess Page began to speak, you could hear a pin drop as all eyes and ears stood ready to hear her pledge of love to Prince Rexie, "I, Page Siegel take you, Prince Rexie, to be no other than yourself, in all the ways life may find us, tending you in sickness and rejoicing with you in health, as long as we both shall live to love."

The loving couple exhanged rings as Sultana spoke, " This circlet of precious metal is justly regarded as a fitting emblem of the purity and perpetuity of the Marriage State. The ancients were reminded by the circle of eternity, as it is so fashioned as to have neither beginning nor end; while gold is so incorruptible that it cannot be tarnished by use or time. So may the union, at this time solemnized, be incorruptible in its purity and more lasting that time itself. In this hope may they keep the vows made on this day, in freedom, teaching each other who they are, what they yet shall be, enabling them to know that in the fullness of being, they are more than themselves and more than each other; that they are all of us, and that together we share joyously the fruits of life.”

Finally the moment that everyone waited for arrived when Sultana said "And as Page and Rexie have declared their love and devotion to each other before family and friends, I now greet them with you as husband and wife. Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be sanctuary to the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there is no isolation for you. Now there is no more loneliness. Now you are two, but there is only one life in front of you. Go now and enter into the days of your togetherness.”

Everyone present jumped to their feet applauding the couple as they walked hand and hand down the aisle as man and wife. 

(Princess Page  asked that if anyone sketched any images of the wedding ((photos)), she would be very appreciative if they would share them with her since she was not able to hire anyone to provide that service.  She offered that she would be happy to exchange coin for such images.  Please contact Princess Page if you would like to share.)

Dear Ireem

    I, Aizen Hellscreamer, would like to thank Ireem for their votes so far and taking the time to read this.  I would like everyone know that this is not a quest for power nor fame, but a quest to bring the arena games back to life!  I believe I am more then qualified to manage the arena for many reasons.  I promise Ireem that I will go out of my way as much as possible to at least have four events a month.  I plan to organize ranked matches, where you and your comrades can form teams and put not only your foes strength to the test, but their teamwork as well! Finally there will be a true reason to shed blood on the sands, and that reason is honor and glory!  Prizes will include gold, food, servants and perhaps ..virgins...
  
    So please Ireem, continue to vote for me and make the Arena a birthplace of gods and goddesses.

Vote Aizen

The Blue Parrot Tavern, strategically located in Kashkar by the river bordering the city of Ireem, is now bustling with activities again!  Countless whiz pass this crossroad of sorts on their way to the city, or chasing down a prey, and yes it is a convenient stopover for the likes of slavers to give their catch a quick lesson before dragging them off to the auction.  Beyond the unassuming facade, this resplendent little gem has served the purpose of many tribes, human or more.

The Ireem Chronicles find this assignment given to the form of a Nanny, who managed to return with the interview information cast onto several soggy parchments, unfortunately falling into the river did not kill her, but office cat drowns in making sense of the messy notes for print.

The new owner, Miss Mari, gave a warm welcome, introduced herself and almost immediately offered a vast array of services beyond bread and rum!

"You found her, anything I can do for you? Smuggle? Steal? Hide a body?" then tilt her chin to the masked man at the entrance "I have talented friends."

Looks like there will be fascinating activities to look forward to from this venue, and the pretty young woman who owns it seemed unabashed to emphasise she has the backing of many friends.

This special menu made old nanny laugh so hard she choked  on her own saliva and coughed til a tear rolled down her cheeks, but the young lady seemed more concerned with the fame and fortune that being in the news would bring her.  Good, she may be young but smart and exudes strength, she is going to do well.

When asked what are her plans for the tavern, sitting back in the rickety chair Mari smiled and crossed her ankles on the tabletop with a content sigh,

"My plans.. I hadn't really thought too much into the future. i just knew the money to be had in Ireem these days is in food and drink, what with all the tired warriors needing a place to rest after the raiding." and in a quieter tone would wink and murmmer "And I hope to see to their other needs once the slavers start bringing in girls of good quality."

Nanny Moon, while asking questions, had been food-tasting and trying a little bit of all the foods on the table, and at this point must say, the cheese is aged well and smell..well ya..smells.. And the bread is strange to touch and seemed to roll off the table upon contact.. perhaps it was the young lady's toes I pinched.  She was sitting with her feet up on the table looking like a scallywag, I had to find out what she is.

"Ah smart of you to see the lucrative opportunities.. Do you smell fish?" Looking around the tavern I saw a tub of water in the back and teased asking if the masked man still sitting outside was one of the good-quality catches from the slavers, and would have a splash with old nanny in the tub.  We may have strike a chord there as Mari started stammering then and was looking somewhat uneasy as she replied shaking her head and frowning,

"You can say he caught me in a manner of speaking, and no.. I dont smell fish but perhaps the sea air is a bit stagnant in here today."

"But I suppose it is the seabreeze..Perhaps you would like to share a little about yourself to our readers.  Are all in Ireem welcomed to your tavern?"

Mari smiled and nodded, "Aye, everyone is welcome to The Blue Parrot. Leave ya politics and talk of those evil crystals at the door I say!"

"That's great! So..no bouncy type guards at the door to keep those filthy undeads out?"

Mari seemed secretive and still did not reveal what she is after random mention of several types of beings that lurk in Kashkar.  A chuckle from upstairs was heard at the mention of the Undeads.. Seems another of her friends was watching over us nearby.

"Noone will be kept out, I mean to try and bring everyone back together if I can. " Then look up at the ceiling in a louder tone Mari said, "Hopefully with some help!"

"Yes , yes very noble idea indeed to bring all together.."

my old frail neck made my head wobble as my eyes followed the young lady's looking up to the ceiling..I sure hope not to be morphed into the nanny form next time I turn human,

"ohh yes..I'm not that old..really.. perhaps I have developed special powers, I hear the walls speak some..hmm.." thoughts crumbled into a mess as old memories flits into current reality " Are the bar wenches for hire? My friend is interested in a quickie." With an attempt to mask the senile old brain's folly, I laughed loudly and asked "Do staff from the Chronicles get free drinks in your establishment?"

"Aye um, we are always in need of brewers and pleasure wenches, even dancers if the rabble want a bit of clean entertainment. The girls can decide for themselves if they want some extra coin for the service though with the pretty faces walking around these days I don't think much coaxing will be necessary."  With a cheeky wink she continued, "And no one drinks for free love, it's a business not a charity."

Nanny instinctively mirrored leaning in almost touching noses with the young lady, eyes crossed and nodding to what the pretty girl said, smiling..

"There are few but known establishments in Ireem who in recent days have organised all sorts of events to gather loyalty from their cliental.. Are you going to have events here? If there is one you would like to take this opportunity to advertise perhaps tell us about it? "

The adorable playful Mari smiled and answered the crossed eyes with a pair of her own as she struggled to control her giggle,

"Aye, I havent worked out the details yet but there are several pieces of treasure gone missing that I may employ the peoples assistance, in exchange for some nice gold coins for the one who brings them all to me of course. I've also in a mind to showcase some of the less prominent faces and make them known to the city by having them do.. a bit of work for me.  Aye there will be plenty to do and see in the old place, and I have just the resources to help me pull it off."

Thank you Mari, it is most delightful meeting you!  We shall look forward to your events!

A brand new gossips column, brought to you by our brave and frankly somewhat idiotic Whispers team!

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  Now that the dust has been settle, we must congratulate all the election winners once again!  If you haven’t yet, you can read our office cat’s fantastic article about them.  But, that is for the winners.  What we are bring you is stories of all the dirty tricks, back stabbing, and other funny and disgusting tactics that some of those losers were trying to use in order to win an election.

  The biggest drama of all, was of course coming from the pirate slavers!  When they were giving the choice between a candidate who has more slaves than the number of words he can strings together in one sentence, or a woman who has turn sides more often than very well fried pancake in the bakery, you would have thought the sensible decision would be voting for NO LEADER.  Alas, they are obviously not a bright bunch (Remember, these are the bunch of bright souls who last voted in a leader who got humiliated every week from everyone, including from his own slaves).  From what we heard, the eventually winner had some powerful backing to secure his winning, including the leader of the “Pissed-off Chicken” (Yes, we changed the name in this article to protect the identity of all those involve).  After risking our life, the Whispers team managed to secure a note that was passed around between the slavers:

  “There is two options to vote: for Captain Dirty, who, I may call more "real" slaver between both candidates. And from other side we have Traitor woman, who is Monster Penis’  slave.  As leader of you, I will tell you about my choose : I won't see a slave leads the slavers ! I would vote for Captain Dirty!” Written by Wild Chicken (( Again, all the name are changed, to protect their identity and reputation ))

  Now, if you asked me, I would say it was a bit mean to pass a note like this around, since most of the slavers probably cannot read.  But, who can blame Wild Chicken, who himself has changed side to be his former woman to the Smelly Camels, only to see her buggered off to the slavers and tried to take over his former family?  And we best not talk about the whispers about certain affair that involved a Batman as well!

  Speaking of Batman, his election seemed to be a smooth sailing, right?  Well almost.  Despite what many believe, Batman’s election was probably the most competitive one at the end.  Some blamed it on the Batman’s focus on sex instead of leading his army.  Certainly that’s what Big Bad Wolf was implying.  BUT!  It wasn’t like BBW was all so clean himself.  From our source at the Slaver camp, we were told that there were a SECRET AGREEMENT between BBW and the Pancake Woman, that if they have won their respective election, they would break off the current alliance and form the all powerful UNDEAD SLAVER group!  Of course, neither of them win, so it’s really just a moot point.

  And what about the Bedouins?  At least they have the sense and voted the right leader this time around.  Certainly Lady Softie is a much better one to look at than the last leader, and we wouldn’t need an Bedouinian Interpreter everytime he tried to talk.  Adding her best friend Noodlehead into the mix, we can see nothing but good things that will be coming out of them now.   Though, one would wish that someone will tell Noodlehead to cut some of those wild crap hair that she has, or at least wash them a bit.  We could smell her from the Chronicles office quite soon.

This is enough for now, since the stingy editor doesn’t pay us nearly enough to write.  The Whispers team will be back again another day to bring you more hot hot hot gossips!

The Ireem Chronicles chanced upon a few of the leaders out and about already busy doing what leaders do, and cornered them(very politely) for a post-election thought,

"well firstly i would like to thank all of my family who supported me, on the one hand i am very delighted and excited to be Leader and I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations, but I'm sure if I dont, they will soon put me in my place. I am also delighted that my sister, Miriam Lemondrop has accepted to be my co-leader and it will hopefully make a refreshing change to have some estrogen making the decision for a change" ~Miss Velvet Hamelin, Bedouin Leader, standing proud in the sands, watching over her people.

"i'd like to thank all my people for believing in me..." ~Queen Indigo, Djinn Leader.  It was not easy to catch these precious words running alongside our powerful Queen and Elders in the midst of a battle!  Few words but to the point and most heartfelt, as we charged forth crushing the enemies' defence line.

Along the pathway towards the Chronicles office, it was a chance meeting with a little imp that brought us the following quote from the new Magi Leader who seemed rather jumpy, his eyes darting all over the room whilst talking to us, or he may just be intoxicated for the room did smell of rum...but forgive us on these speculations as he did sit hunched over at his desk very focused working like a mad scientist when the imp led us to his room, and we do know how the magi are with their experiments and spells..he said this in a bout of sanity,

"Very well. There is nothing extravagant in nature I can place at this very moment. I would just mention that..." His expression then suddenly changed as he smiled deviantly, "The Magi will torment those who show any opposition to our practices." And he stood there with his head bowed down as he chuckled darkly to himself.  Not long after that puzzling outburst, the Magi Leader suddenly goes from a look of paranoia to a pleasant smile, "I simply cannot divulge information pertaining to the practices of the Magi, but I assure you that there is nothing to fear." His eyes shifted around the room.. as if someone was watching him. He'd then chuckle and continued, "The Magi will continue our role in the protection of the Sultana and her kingdom." He says in a confident tone. Suddenly he seemed to be at a loss for words. He raised his hand to his chin and tapped it with his index finger "Hmm.. As for how I feel for winning the election..  " He had a bewildered look in his eyes."I feel... good I suppose." ~Azriel, Magi Leader.

It may be of interest to some, of a possible link between those of the Serpent Towers and the immortal powers in the Catacombs, since the little imp who hails Damien as her leader, also addressed the new Magi Leader as her Uncle Azriel.  This may come to naught or it may bring us some facinating developments in the sands.

We are ready to report the new adventures and historical moments these new leaders bring to Ireem, awaiting with interest and observing the chemistry brought about by the new leaders' styles combined, we quote the words of a wise man from the far far far far East..

The chronicles tonight had received a note in our drop box.  However, after our staff read it, we laughed so loud that we scared the office cat who then spilled some ink over parts of it.  But, in the spirit of good journalism that Ireem Chronicles is renowned for, we deiceded to print the parts that are not destroyed by the ink.  Also, a small prize will be granted to the person who can found out and name the author of this unrecognised note (All original writing mistakes included, see if that will help in identify the author):

"Salaam Chronicles and people of Ireem,
i nearly spilled my rum when i saw myelf being called a „traitor“ in the last chronicles article! ............That’s why i wish to state my reasons here for my group change..
I only got rude comments when i fell in love with a pirate, but can you blame me for trying to be with my beloved family and yet still with the one who owned my heart? ......... Even after he left his old family to be with me and showed loyalty to the Bedu they didnt stop their rude, respectless behaviour......... Besides that i got sliced up several times in my own camp with several bedus watching!! They didnt even try to draw a blade! Is that what you call family? All of them who didnt help are the true traitors, not me! The pirates saved my life several times, i owe them my respect and my blade on their side as well.........."

So small prize for identify the author of this note.  There should be plenty of clue there, including something mentioned about switch side when the pirates were kicking Beduoins' butts.  Although, being the partial observers that we are, The Chronicles will not be speculating whether the author will be switching to the winning side of the war again.