The Ireem Chronicles

This past weekend the people of Ireem were all invited to the first event in the city arena since it was taken over by Una Flux, in the name of the undead. The event seemed to be a thundering success right from the start. There were over a dozen people entered in the first event and twice that many spectators lining the walls of the pit. The following is my recollection of the events….

The events started with a free for all, last man standing match. Seventeen brave fighters entered the contest. The action was fast paced and brutal. There were fighters running and jumping everywhere, it reminded this reporter of a swarm of angry wasps. When the dust settled the Bedouin, Velvet Hamelin was the victor. Rumor has it that her prize was over 6,000 Dinar!

Following this fight Una announced that the grudge matches would begin. I found myself surprised but not shocked to hear that my own sweet innocent wife Dinky would be fighting Jordi in the first match. It seems there was some sort of disagreement over who exactly owned a certain pair of boots. The betting was opened and everyone flocked to place their bets. Dinky and Jordi faced off in the arena and shouted back and forth about these boots. The fight was short and sweet, My sexy Dinky easily defeated the foul undead!
Everyone stood mouths agape as I collected my winnings, over 2,500 Dinar. The secret is now out, Dinky has been training!

More grudge matches followed in which: Am defeated Sheva, Following which Tusk defeated Sheva and forced her to strip naked in front of everyone. Apparently running the event was too boring because the next fight was Phox against Una. Una lost badly, this may explain her later behavior. The final grudge match was Between Jordi and Tusk, which Jordi won.

After the grudge matches Una announced that she had a surprise to mark the grand opening of the arena. The gates were opened and two disgusting beats were led into the pit. This reporter looked on, horrified, as one by one Velvet Hamelin, LaDana Ruby and Caren Zuta were tossed into the pit to face the wrath of the beasts. There were two rumors whispered through the crowd about why Una would have such a thing done. The first is that she was upset after losing her fight to Phox. Personally I discount this theory as Phox was not one of her victims. The second theory, and far more likely, is simply that she is undead. Behavior such as this should be expected from them.

Whatever the reason, and despite this monstrous ending, the games appeared to be a resounding success. If you were unable to attend you missed an entertaining afternoon. Una has said that the next event will be announced soon, so keep one eye on the chronicles for information, and one eye over your shoulder so you don’t find yourself the next poor soul to be tossed to the beasts!

*Editorial note: If anyone happens to see BigPapa Yifu, also known as Bigz, please show some sympathy and toss him a few coins. Bigz was overcome by the excitement and perhaps bet more then he should have. Remember kindness is a virtue. I am sure he would appreciate any scraps of food you have left over.