The Ireem Chronicles

The Ireem Chronicles can report that, last night Ireem was under siege by a group of naked women bandits. They ran-sacked the city and captured some esteemed members of the city, including the owner of an eatery who will remain anonymous to protect his image.

According to eye witness reports, the women descended to the front of the city gates, lead by a somewhat fearsome black haired woman, all clad in nothing by their birthday suits and maybe a hint of excessive body hair (the eye witness was not close enough to identify the amount nor the position of said body hair in the women, for fear of retribution) and armed with spears and other weapons. They have performed a ritual dance in the front of the city gate, much in the style of spring birds in heat. Gradually a small crowd was formed and when a few citizens with decency (which seems to be a rarity these days) confronted the shameless performance by the naked women, they were brutally attacked and captured.

The incident lasted a few hours until the leader of the bandits declared victory and after performing another victory dance, this time in the style of summer chicken swimming in the warm river (Ed: No, we have no idea what that looks like either) , they have retreated back to their hiding place.

The captured eatery owner was last seen being taken away by a red hair naked bandit with a rather large butt and very nice chest piece. Any information that will lead to the discovery of his whereabouts will be awarded with a small reward.

The rumour of further invasion, possibly lead by an infamous granny, has yet to be confirmed. A spokesman from the knight HQ urged all citizens to remain calm and carry on their usual business. He also suggested all citizens should carry extra coins with them, since it’s good manners to tip the women who dance naked in front of them.